The bad news is my toddler dumped my husband’s large water bottle all over the couch and himself. The good news is now he’s had his bath

I told my toddler he was so cute I could just eat him up and now he’s bringing me snacks from the kitchen so I’m not hungry.

My kids’ friends’ mom always has some exciting craft for them to do when they go to her house. When my kids’ friends are over, I just sit on the couch and occasionally call out “does anyone want chips?”

*Googles Thanksgiving recipes* *Googles easy Thanksgiving recipes* *Googles really easy Thanksgiving recipes* *Googles is McDonald’s open on Thanksgiving*

My toddler just slapped me with one glove. She may not know what it means but I’m a woman of honour. We duel at dawn.

Nobody prepared me for how loudly babies sleep

10 said she doesn’t like my coffee breath, but she’d rather deal with that than my “decaf personality,” I think she’s figured out marriage.

“Daddy, are you going to pick me up from Art Club or do I have to ride the bus that smells like bare feet and underwear?” and other ways 11 y/o’s communicate with their parents.

i feel a little slimmer after a week of eating mostly goldfish crackers, clementines, fig newtons and string cheese…i’m calling this the toddler diet

Me: You can pick between Superman or Spiderman. 3yo: I pick Batman!

My kids ran out of corks for art projects so I ordered a case of wine,

I feel this is my moment to shine
told my kids to build a fort to get them off their iPads, so now they’re in the fort, watching their iPads