Category Archives: Humour
Class is in session
The Statements made about Car Owners
Acura Integra – I have always wanted to own the Buick of sports cars
Acura Legend – I’m too bland for German cars
Acura NSX – I am impotent
Audi 90 – I enjoy putting out engine fires
Buick Park Avenue – I am older than 34 of the 50 states
Cadillac Eldorado – I am a very good Mary Kay salesman
Cadillac Seville – I am a pimp
Chevrolet Camaro – I enjoy beating the hell out of people
Chevrolet Chevette – I like seeing people’s reactions when I tell them I have a ‘Vette
Chevrolet Corvette – I’m in a mid-life crisis
Chevrolet El Camino – I am leading a militia to overthrow the government
Chrysler Cordoba – I dig the rich Corinthian leather
Datsun 280Z – I have a kilo of cocaine in my wheel well
Dodge Dart – I teach third grade special education and I voted for Eisenhower
Dodge Daytona – I delivered pizza for four years to get this car
Ferrari Testarossa – I have problems performing in bed
Ford Fairmont – (See Dodge Dart)
Ford Mustang – I slow down to 85 in school zones
Ford Crown Victoria – I enjoy having people slow to 55 mph and change lanes when I pull up behind them
Geo Storm – I will start the 11th grade in the fall
Geo Tracker – I will start the 12th grade in the fall
Honda del Sol – I have always said, half a convertible is better than no convertible at all
Honda Civic – I have just graduated and have no credit
Honda Accord – I lack any originality and am basically a lemming
Infiniti Q45 – I am a physician with 17 malpractice suits pending
Isuzu Impulse – I do not give a damn about J.D. Power or his reports
Jaguar XJ6 – I am so rich I will pay 60K for a car that is in the shop 280 days per year
Kia Sephia – I learned nothing from the failure of Daihatsu
Lamborghini Countach – I only have one testicle
Lincoln Town Car – I live for bingo and covered dish suppers
Mercury Grand Marquis – (See Lincoln Town Car above)
Mercedes 500SL – I will beat you up if you ask me for an autograph
Mercedes 560SEL – I have a daughter named Bitsy and a son named Cole
Mazda Miata – I do not fear being decapitated by an eighteen-wheeler
MGB – I am dating a mechanic
Mitsubishi Diamante – I don’t know what it means either
Nissan 300ZX – I have yet to complete my divorce proceedings.
Oldsmobile Cutlass – I just stole this car and I’m going to make a fortune off the parts
Peugeot 505 Diesel – I am on the EPA’s Ten Most Wanted List
Plymouth Neon – I sincerely enjoy doing the Macarena
Pontiac Trans AM – I have a switchblade in my sock
Porsche 911 Turbo – I have a three inch thingie
Porsche 944 – I am dating big haired women that otherwise would be inaccessible to me
Rolls Royce Silver Shadow – I think Pat Buchannon is a tad bit too liberal
Saturn SC2 – (See Honda Civic)
Saab 9000 – “Dave, you have been spared today”
Subaru Legacy – I have always wanted a Japanese car even more inferior than Isuzu
Toyota Camry – I am still in the closet
Volkswagon Beetle – I still watch Partridge Family reruns
Volkswagon Cabriolet – I am out of the closet
Volkswagon Microbus – I am tripping right now
Volvo 740 Wagon – I am frightened of my wife
Volkswagen Corrado – I was tired of repair bills on my Porsche 944
Land Rover – I cannot distinguish fantasy from reality.
Land Cruiser – I secretly like monster truck shows, but never go.
Honda Odyssey – I think 4WD means something about engine improvement.
Acura NSX – I worship Car & Driver’s opinion.
Acura Integra V/TEC – I am afraid to admit that I love driving.
BMW Isetta – I finally found an outlet for my repressed freakiness.
BMW 1800ti – Obscure carburator variations are interesting to me.
BMW 1600/2 – I have a 1.6 liter engine block under my house.
BMW 2002 – Deep in my personality is a half-repaired fissure.
BMW 2002 (13″ wheels) – I don’t enjoy driving fast
.BMW 2002 (14″ wheels) – I feel nervous without spare parts in the trunk.
BMW 2002 (15″ wheels) – I never admit when I get passed by newer cars.
BMW 316 – I am pennywise and pound-foolish.
BMW 320 – I enjoy mentioning my car’s marque to acquaintances.
BMW 325e – Impulse-buy supermarket racks have no appeal to me.
BMW 325is – In the end, I repress my true desires and compromise.
BMW 325ix – I own many gadgets that are fun but not quite useful.
BMW M3 (E30 = early) – Passing me is a severe personal insult.
BMW 850i – To me, ‘sports car’ means the car you drive to golf.
BMW M3 (new) – I believe sports cars SHOULD have power windows.
BMW 7-series – I have never even heard of a “hood latch”.
BMW 318 – Hey it’s a Bimmer, so what if it’s slower than your mom’s caddy.
BMW 325 – I eat Hondas for lunch.
BMW 525 – See BMW 318.
BMW M5 – I love drag racing, but I need 4 doors.
BMW 6-series – I love drag racing, but I hate 4 doors.
BMW 7-series – I have long legs.
BMW 8-series – I want a Ferrari, built in Germany.
Kawasaki Ninja (spotless) – I enjoy pretending I have a deathwish.
Kawasaki Ninja (scraped) – I have a deathwish.
BMW Boxer (R75) – I am afraid of the future.
Tending to Trends
A life of it’s own
Tim Carol and all https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yf8xQk9PNKo
Brooks and Rickles https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sdPcjIrSvcs
What do you know for sure?
You were thinking it
What and When
T-Shirts I want
Underestimate me — That’ll be fun
Don’t piss off old people – The older we get, the less “Life in Prison” is a deterrent
Too much of a good thing can be wonderful! – – Mae West
I had my Patience Tested. I’m Negative
Lazy is a very Strong word.
I like to call it “Selective Participation”
Your secrets Are safe With me
Because There’s a Good chance I was not Listening
That’s a Horrible Idea…
What time?
I’m not Completely Useless,
I can be Used as a Bad example
Due to unfortunate Circumstances,
I am awake.
They call me Pi
Because I’mIrrational and
I don’t know When to stop
Who let Me adult?
I can’t Adult.
