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Monthly Archives: January 2023

Mid Phase

Posted on January 10, 2023 by Roger Harmston Posted in Terroir Leave a comment

Mid Phase

Early Phase was 30 years as part of the Irish Rovers folk group.  Mid phase, as a writer.Messing About in Boats was written about certain happenings along the way. Tales of life.  It starts with stories around life with the Irish Rovers and then backtracks to his misspent youth dreaming of being a sailor.  There are stories of people he has met and will never forget.  

A refreshing and amusing look into a celebrity’s life off stage. Will Millar is not afraid to make fun of himself while taking his Irish dignity out for a few public dunkings. Boats are a nifty metaphor for his foibles, pleasures and successes. Will had the courage and talent to do at least two things well that aren’t even tried by the timid. Music and laughter, stories, and now an accomplished painter.

Messing About in Boats

Will Millar

Out of Print.

Earth meets ocean

Posted on January 9, 2023 by Roger Harmston Posted in Terroir Leave a comment

Strandveld Vineyards, Africa’s southernmost winery, situated in the Elim wine ward near Cape Agulhas has earned more top ratings for their cool climate Shiraz.

This is a medium bodied Shiraz which shows spicy, peppery aromas with red and black berry flavours.  It has a juicy palate with savoury tannins, subtle toasted oak with a long spicy finish and medium acidity.  It is sublime but quite complex.

It was excellent at a smorgasbord of meats, cheeses and delectable delights.

SHIRAZ – STRANDVELD VINEYARDS FIRST SIGHTING

$17.99 regularly $21.99

13% alcohol

UPC: 06009809240017

mystery case Shiraz South Africa

Alex and Atti-tude

Posted on January 8, 2023 by Roger Harmston Posted in Terroir Leave a comment

On his death bed, Alexander the Great summoned his generals and told them his three ultimate wishes: 

  1. The best doctors should carry his coffin; 
  2. The wealth he has accumulated (money, gold, precious stones etc.) should be scattered along the procession to the cemetery; and 
  3. His hands should be let loose, hanging outside the coffin for all to see!

One of his generals, who was surprised by these unusual requests, asked Alexander to explain. 

Here is what Alexander the Great had to say: 

1. I want the best doctors to carry my coffin to demonstrate that, in the face of death, even the best doctors in the world have no power to heal. 

2. I want the road to be covered with my treasure so that everybody sees that material wealth acquired on earth, stays on earth. 

3. I want my hands to swing in the wind, so that people understand that we come to this world empty handed and we leave this world empty handed after the most precious treasure of all is exhausted, and that is TIME. 

4. We do not take to our grave any material wealth, although our good deeds can be our travelers’ cheques. TIME is our most precious treasure because it is LIMITED. We can produce more wealth, but we cannot produce more time. 

5. When we give someone our time, we actually give a portion of our life that we will never take back. Our time is our life! 

6. So my dear, the best present that you can give to your family and friends, is your TIME. May God grant you plenty of TIME and may you have the wisdom to give it away so that you can LIVE, LOVE and DIE in peace.

Reds and Whites of Spain

Posted on January 7, 2023 by Roger Harmston Posted in Terroir Leave a comment


1- Red varieties grapes 

1.1 – Tempranillo 

Tempranillo is the best-known quality Red Wine Grape in Spain. “Temprano” means early in Spanish, and the name Tempranillo refers to the early time the grape has been traditionally harvested. Tempranillo is also known as Tinto Fino or Tinta del País in Ribera del Duero and old Castilla, Cencibel in La Mancha and Ull de Llebre in Catalonia. The grape is also cultivated in the Duoro region in Portugal where it receives the name of Tinta Roriz.

Its “home” is however La Rioja wine region. Tempranillo produces fresh and fruit young red wines but it shows its best when oak-aged.

When Tempranillo is vinified on its own it produces wines with aromas of strawberries and raspberries. Tempranillo gained its reputation thanks to the fine work of wineries in Rioja. Tempranillo is blended with other grapes in Rioja with a proportion of 70% tempranillo. The other grapes in this mixture are Garnacha, Marzuelo and Graciano.

1.2- Garnacha (Grenache) 

We refer here to red granache (there is also a white grenache grape). A grape of Spanish origin despite most people associate it with the Rohne valley in France. This grape can be found in nearly all wine countries around the world. In Spain, it is found in the Northeast area, La Rioja, Navarra, Aragón and Cataluña. In Rioja it is normally blended with Tempranillo. This grape can produce fruity wines, with raspberry aromas.

Garnacha is widely planted all over Spain, but it was a bit neglected during some decades. Garnacha can oxidate easier than tempranillo and many producers did not want to assume that risk. A second risk when compared to tempranillo is connected to the day of harvesting. Garnacha may need more than a week´s time to reach its optimal ripening, which implies one extra week or more time for the viticulture (who would look up into the sky every day to check for possible complications, mainly hail. These two factors influenced many producers who decided to plant tempranillo and abandon Garnacha. But in recent years we have witnessed a revival of Garnacha. With new modern technologies, wineries are not concerned with potential oxidation problems and there have been also certain tiredness in the consumers with tempranillo. You may have heard sometimes “Spanish wines are only about tempranillo…” 

Priorat region has contributed to a large extent to regain the reputation lost in the past by Garnacha. 

1.3- Cariñeña 

The origin of the grape in Spain is from Aragon from a DOP with the same name: Cariñena where the grape is however not the main grape. This grape is known in Rioja as Mazuelo. The best results with Cariñeña have been obtained in Priorat with very old vines. In these wines, Priorat is being mixed on most occasions with Garnacha and in some cases also with Merlot and Cabernet Sauvignon. Cariñeña is known in France as Carignan.

1.4- Bolbal 

Found mainly in Valencia, Bobal wines are full-bodied and colourful. Their quality has witnessed a very important increase in the last years. Bobal grape was in the past used to support other wine regions in Europe: by mixing Bobal grape with other grapes those regions would increase the colour and alcohol of their local wines.

The arrival of new techniques and a new generation of winemakers has revealed hidden qualities n Bobal and wines from Utiel Requena, Valencia and Alicante, where this Mediterranean grape is grown, have increased in quality and provided with many surprises to experts and consumers alike.

1.5- Monastrell 

Monastrell is the typical grape of Murcia and the south of Valencia. It produces powerful wines with great structure and strength somewhat higher than normal. For many decades wines produced with Monastrell were considered too alcoholic and lacking smoothness. But all that changed a long time ago thanks to the efforts of a group of wineries in Jumilla and Yecla, in the wine region of Murcia, determined to bring Monastrell to the highest standards. Recognition soon arrived and some of the world´s best critics put Monastrell where it deserved. Monastrell wines can be vibrant and very complex, with deep fruit ripeness.

1.6- Mencía 

This grape is planted in the north west of Spain, in El Bierzo (Leon, old castilla) and in Galicia (which is traditionally considered a region of white wines) in the region of Valdeorras. El Bierzo has evolved considerably in recent years and a small group of small wineries with lots of know-how and investing capabilities have obtained great results with Mencia. Young Mencía wines produce fresh wines with elegant tannins. Mencia has proved its wines can age well.

1.7- Juan García 

This grape is planted in the area of Zamora, where Spain meets Portugal. Great potential but the region lacks wineries and investment that can bring all that potential to its full expression. Chemical analysis of the grape confirms it contains everything needed to produce great wines.

1.8-Manto Negro 

Manto Negro is a grape from the Balearic islands in eastern Spain. It produces light wines with a good amount of fruit and which are being produced with little oak to highlight the personality of the grape. A young generation of winemakers has put great efforts in the Binissalem area to produce very distinctive wines with Manto Negro grape.

1.9-Negramoll 

Negranol is one the grapes from the Canary Islands. It can be found in Tenerife, in the Tacoronte-Acentejo region. Wines produced with Negramoll are light and delicate. The northern part of Tenerife gets lots of rain and vineyards are normally planted in high, volcanic areas. Negramoll is also used as a blend with Listan negro.

1.10- Listán Negro 

This is the main grape in Tacoronte-Acentejo and the Canary Islands in general. Some local wineries have managed to produce very interesting and distinctive wines that illustrate the volcanic terroir in which the grape grows. It is a pity that most hotels in the island do not offer local wines from Canary islands and vineyard has left space to banana plantations, easier to harvest and more profitable.

1.11-Cabernet Sauvignon 

You are right, this is not a Spanish grape varietal! The increasing demand for varietal wines in importing countries has made many Spanish plant cabernet. As cabernet grows well nearly everywhere, the results have been very good in Spain. As Cabernet is fairly tannic it is often blended with other grapes to produce more complex wines. You will find Cabernet wines in different regions in Spain (La Mancha, Catalonia, Navarra, etc.)

1.12-Merlot 

Yet again another French grape variety in Spain. Merlot has also been quiet successful (though to a lesser extent than Cabernet) in Spain and can be found in many different regions.

1.12-Syrah 

Syrah has become relatively popular in Spain, mainly in La Mancha and in the Mediterranean areas. In Spain you will find a very different Syrah to the Rhone or Australian Syrah. Spanish Syrah wines are normally full bodied, high in alcohol.

1.13- Other red grape varieties 

Tinta de Toro is of the tempranillo grape family and is most typically grown in Zamora.

There are many more red wine grape varieties like Prieto Picudo from León, Brancellao, and Caíño from Galicia. Also, in Galicia, Alicante, and Albacete, we can find the interesting grape variety called Garnacha Tintorera, the only variety of red grape whose pulp is also purple.

2- White grapes varieties 

2.1- Verdejo 

Typical grape of the D.O. Rueda. Wine from this grape has gained lots of commercial strength in the recent past due in part to its proximity with Madrid. Verdejo wines are aromatic (with a tropical character), with the body. Some producers opt for oak aging, and the results have been very good. The verdejo did not have “an easy life”. It is a grape that oxidates very easily and for centuries this generated obvious problems. Today, however, thanks to the use of refrigeration techniques or night grape-picking at harvest time, most problems are solved and it can produce (specially in the case of Verdejo superior with at least 85% verdejo grape) fascinating white wines. As with any story of success, it has brought certain problems, and some wineries have made use of the commercial success of the grape to introduce wines that do not reach the potential verdejo has.  

2.2- Albariño 

Sometimes this Spanish grape varietal is thought to be the name of the appellation of origin where the wines are produced (Rias Baixas in the Northwest of Spain, in Galicia) Albariño wines are aromatic, crispy, and with a distinctive aroma. It produces acid wines, but also with high glycerine that gives them a silky texture. 

Much has been speculated about the origin of this grape and for many alabariño was brought by German monks whilst they took place in the Camino de Santiago pilgrimage. Biological research seems to have disregarded this hypothesis though. In any case, what remains most important for wine lovers is that albariño and its perfect match with the terroir in Rias Baixas (Galicia) produce exquisite fruity white wines, rich whilst not too sweet and a perfect match with local seafood. 

2.3- Moscatel 

Known in France as muscat, it is a rich and sweet grape that can produce excellent value for money sweet wines. Young winemakers are using it blended with other grapes to produce very exciting wines. The grape is mainly planted in the region of Valencia on the Mediterranean coast.

2.4 – Malvasía 

Malvasia finds its origins in Greece. This is a fantastic grape that in Spain can mainly be found in Valencia and the Canary Islands. In this latter case, the grape produces semi-fortified sweet wines with an amazing volcanic component. Malvasia is also planted in Rioja, where it is used in some blends with Viura. In Catalonia Malvasia is known as subirat-parent

2.5- Godello 

Another grape from the Northwest of Spain, Godello is a high-quality grape that produces very aromatic wines. Almost unknown a few decades ago, winemakers saw strong potential in this grape and it was re-introduced in areas of Galicia, mainly in the Valdeorras wine region. Godello has proved these winemakers were right and the grape produces exquisite crispy, peachy, ripe, and rich (though not sweet) white wines.

2.6- Palomino 

Used mainly for Fino production in the South of Spain. Known also as listan, palomino flourishes in the chalky soils of the Jerez wine region. Palomino is the perfect match for the area of Jerez del Frontera. Wherever the grape has been planted results have not been outstanding. In this part of the South of Spain, however, the grape yields a coat known as Flor which produces the magical result of sherry wines and their soleras.

2.7- Xarello 

Also known as Xarel-lo, this grape provides the alcohol, weight and power needed to produce quality cava wines. This is a grape that traditionally oxidated fast and, as in the case of verdejo in Rueda, this brought certain problems. Today, with the introduction of early harvesting, and temperature control at fermentation time, the grape has proved it can produce excellent still wines too.  

2.8- Parellada 

Parellada is planted throughout Catalonia and it is used for still white wines (nothing spectacular on this end but wines are pleasant and easy to drink) but also as a base for cava.

2.9- Airén 

Though unknown to many people, this Spanish white varietal is the world’s most planted grape in the world. The grape was traditionally used for the production of alcohol that served as the base for Brandy. Airen survives the hot summer of La Mancha where it is planted. Part of the never-ending vineyards of Airen in La Mesta can be enjoyed in one of the winery tours departing from Madrid and which also adds the famous Don Quixote windmills to the vineyards.

Airen can never aspire to wines of exquisite quality, but if vinified with modern techniques it has proved to be able to provide interesting white wines.

2.10- Albillo 

Traditionally a grape used for food consumption, albillo has recently increased its importance and use in wine production. Its skin makes it a useful grape to be used in blends with other white grapes like airen or viura which sometimes lack in aromas. Albillo is used in Ribera del Duero and is heavily planted in the Madrid wine region

2.11 Macabeo 

This white grape is also known as Viura. It is cultivated in most wine areas in Northern Spain and in Catalonia it is one of the grapes for the traditional production of cava wines.

For still wines, Macabeo is the main white grape in Rioja and Navarra. Despite it is a rather neutral grape, it can produce interesting herby and spicy white wines.

2.12- Pedro Ximenez 

This is a Spanish classic grape. This grape is planted in the South of Spain, and it plays a key factor behind the wines of Montilla-Moriles. It is a rich grape that is turned into fabulous dessert wines that, at its oldest, become almost black. Fantastic to drink and also, why not, to be enjoyed as a gourmand topping on many cakes and ice cream recipes!

Most of us don’t. Some of us did.

Posted on January 6, 2023 by Roger Harmston Posted in Terroir Leave a comment

What happens after you quit smoking?

20 MINUTES

  • Blood pressure drops to normal
  • Pulse rate drops to normal
  • Body temperature of hands and feet increases to normal

8 HOURS

  • Carbon monoxide level in blood drops to normal
  • Oxygen level in blood increases to normal

24 HOURS

  • Chance of heart attack decreases

48 HOURS

  • Nerve endings start regrowing
  • Ability to smell and taste is enhanced

2 WEEKS TO 3 MONTHS

  • Circulation improves
  • Walking becomes easier
  • Lung function increases up to 30 percent

1 TO 9 MONTHS

  • Coughing, sinus congestion, fatigue, and shortness of breath decrease
  • Cilia regrow in lungs, increasing their ability to handle mucus, clean the lungs, and reduce infection
  • Body’s overall energy increases

1 YEAR

  • Excess risk of coronary heart disease is half that of a smoker

5 YEARS

  • Lung cancer death rate for an average former smoker (one pack a day) decreases by almost half
  • Stroke risk is reduced to that of a non-smoker five to 15 years after quitting
  • Risk of cancer of the mouth, throat, and esophagus is half that of a smoker’s

10 YEARS

  • Lung cancer death rate is similar to that of a non-smoker
  • Precancerous cells are replaced
  • Risk of cancer of the mouth, throat, esophagus, bladder, kidney, cervix, and pancreas decreases

15 YEARS

  • Risk of coronary heart disease is that of a non-smoker

Evolution

Posted on January 5, 2023 by Roger Harmston Posted in ALL Leave a comment

This is a project I have been following for years (20 of the 24 to complete it) – often in agreement – sometimes in disagreement – but it has been a thought provoking journey that I have very much enjoyed.

The book, *Evolution As It Was Meant To Be — And The Living Narratives That Tell Its Story* is a culmination of one man’s journey.  And now he can retire.

The table of contents (with links to all chapters) and any other news about the book is available here:

https://bwo.life./bk

The contents page includes a link to an informal and preliminary PDF of the entire book, which is here:

https://bwo.life/bk/bk.pdf

Reds and Whites of Portugal

Posted on January 4, 2023 by Roger Harmston Posted in Terroir Leave a comment

Portuguese grape varieties used in the production of white wines

Alvarinho – This is a highly prized variety of grape mainly grown in the North-west of Portugal. The grape is known as Albariño in Spain and it produces crisp, aromatic wines with notes of apple, peach, passion fruit, lychee and citrus fruits. The grape has a mineral character too. Alvarinho wines are excellent young, but they also age very well, often for ten years or more. Compared to other Vinho Verdes, Alvarinho makes more full-bodied wines that are often higher in alcohol.

Antão Vaz – This is a variety of grape that is hugely popular in the Alentejo region. The grape thrives in warm conditions with plenty of sunshine. The grapes typically produce wines that are full-bodied with notes of tropical fruits and tangerine peel. When picked early Antão Vaz are often crisp with good acidity; when left to ripen for longer the grapes can produce wines with high levels of alcohol.

Arinto – This variety of the Portuguese grapes is commonly grown in many parts of the country. The grape produces vibrant, fresh, dry, tangy wines with notes of lime and lemon. The grape is also known as Padernã in the Vinho Verde region. The wines produced with Arinto grapes can keep well but they are also fantastic when young. The prevalent acidity means that Arinto works exceptionally well in sparkling wines.

Bical – This is a grape vartiety that is typically grown in the regions of the Bairrada and the Dão. The grape is often used in sparkling wines. The wines produced are renowned for being well structured, soft and aromatic with notes of apricot and peach.

Encruzado – This is a superb grape currently exclusively grown in the Dão region. The wines produced are known for their mineral qualities and aromas of roses and violets. Encruzado is renowned for maintaining an exceptional balance between sweetness and acidity that enables wines of excellent structure that will keep and improve with time.

Fernão Pires – This grape (also known as Maria Gomes in the Bairrada region) is one of the most popular in Portugal. The grape is versatile and it makes crisp, aromatic wines often with low acidity. Citrus notes of lemon, lime, tangerines and oranges persist. Fernão Pires is also often used in sparkling wine production and it is also harvested late in the year to make sweet wines.

Loureiro – This is one of the more fragrant of the Portuguese grapes, it is commonly used to make Vinho Verde. The grape is known for its scents of orange flower, acacia, linden, apple and peach. Loureirio can help to give wines good structure and well-balanced acidity.

Moscatel Graúdo – This is the grape variety commonly known as Muscat of Alexandria and it is used in the production of the famous sweet, fortified wine Moscatel de Setúbal. A variety introduced by the Romans in the times of the Iberian invasions the grape is renowned for its powerful aromas of lychee, raisins, pear, lemon and lime flower.

Rabigato – This variety is extremely popular in the Douro Superior region of Portugal. The grape is typically used in blends to give light, refreshing acidity to the wines. We find this to be one of the most exciting of the Portuguese grapes.

Trajadura – A grape originating from the north of the Vinho Verde region, Trajadoura is known for its low acidity and the strength of the alcohol produced – higher than most varieties used in the region. The grape produces aromatic wines with notes of peach, apricot, apple, pear and orange blossom.

Verdelho – This is the variety of Portuguese grape that is used to produce the famous medium-sweet Madeira fortified wine. The grape can also be used to produce soft full-bodied table wines. Verdelho is now often used in Australia where it is known for producing rich, aromatic, dry white wines.

Viosinho – This is a grape variety that has been growing in popularity in recent years. Wine makers of the Douro region have recognised the potential of the grape for adding body and refreshing fragrance to wines as well as balance.

Portuguese grape varieties used in the production of red wines

Alfrocheiro – This is a grape that originates from the Dão region. Though not widely planted, this is one of the most popular of the Portuguese grapes with winemakers as it produces deep-coloured, well-balanced wines. The grapes produce aromas of blackberries and ripe strawberries.

Baga – Baga wines are renowned for being challenging to produce well but when the conditions are right the results can be exceptional. The grape is grown widely throughout the Bairrada region where the conditions for the grape are excellent. The skin of the grape is thick and this makes for wines that are high in tannins. The wines are particularly good for ageing and given time the tannins soften and the wines become elegant with notes of dried fruits.

Castelão – This is one of the most popular of the grape varieties in Portugal, particularly in the south where it is known as Periquita. The plants thrive in warm conditions so they are often seen in the regions of Tejo, Lisboa, Alentejo and the Setúbal Peninsula. The grape is recognised for giving structure to wines with good tannins and acidity. Aromas of redcurrants, preserved plums and berries are typical.

Jaen – This is a fantastic though one of the more challenging of the Portuguese grapes to grow. Jaen is often grown in the Dão region. The grapes ripen early and when successful the wines are well perfumed with notes of cherry, blackberry and blueberry.

Tinta Barroca – One of the 5 grapes typically used for Port production, this is one of the Portuguese grapes that has become a key ingredient of many of the wines produced in the Douro region. The vines have good resistance to diseases and the yields are comparatively high. The skin of the grape is thin and dark and the grapes are sweet with the potential to produce wines of high alcohol. The wines typically have fruity aromas of plum and cherry.

Tinta Cão – Another one of the 5 key grape varieties used in the Douro for Port production this is a grape that dates back to the 18th century. The skins of the Tinta Cão grapes are thick and they produce rich tannins and colour. The grape is renowned for producing the ideal balance between tannins, acidity and sugar; the wines have excellent structure with floral notes. The grapes produced are very late ripening and unfortunately the yields are exceptionally low – as such, for economic reasons many producers would avoid using this grape.

Tinta Roriz – Also known as Aragonês in Portugal and Tempranillo in Spain, this is a grape that is growing ever more popular in Portugal. The grape is recognised for adding body and elegance to wines; it also adds a delicious hint of spice. Tinta Roriz is typically blended with varieties such as Touriga Nacional, Touriga Franca, Trincadeira and Alicate Bouschet.

Touriga Franca – Renowned as one of the 5 key grape varieties for Port production, Touriga Franca has become the most widely planted grape of the Douro region and its popularity has spread throughout many of the northern parts of Portugal. With its dark skin the grape adds intense fruit flavour and body to wines along with floral aromas including roses and wild flowers. Touriga Franca is very often blended with Tinta Roriz and Touriga Nacional and it adds great elegance and ageing potential thanks to the velvety tannins.

Touriga Nacional – This is without doubt the best known of the Portuguese grape varieties and rightly so. Touriga Nacional is used throughout Portugal in the different wine producing regions. The grape has been used for many years in the production of Portthough now it is recognised for what it brings to table wines too. Often the grape is used on its own to make wines that showcase its qualities but also it is very often found in blends adding fantastic flavour and body to the wines. Touriga Nacional grapes are small and they have a high concentration of colour, sweetness and aroma (powerful fruit, blackcurrants, raspberries, liquorice and floral notes of violets). The skin of the grape is thick and tannic which can make it ideal for longer-term ageing.

Trincadeira – Also known as Tinta Amarela; this is one of the most widespread of the Portuguese grape varieties and it makes rich, dry reds with flavours of blackcurrant and floral aromas. The vine is renowned for being difficult to grow as it is susceptible to disease and it needs constant attention. Typically the vines perform better in the hot, dry regions such as the Alentejo and the Tejo. Althopugh difficult to get right, when Trincadeira is grown correctly the wines produced are typically of exceptional quality.

Harmonious sustainability

Posted on January 3, 2023 by Roger Harmston Posted in Terroir Leave a comment

Harmonious sustainability.

it uses sustainable and biological farming techniques for viticulture. It has won various international awards and exports to countries worldwide. 

This is really good value for money, the Pirramimma is a beautifully balanced wine, with fruit, subtle oak and tannin in harmony. 

The Grenache  exhibits aromas of berry, with hints of pomegranate (Yes!). On the palate it’s rich and intense. Everything is in harmony.

This fruit driven Grenache was produced from fruit selected from the old War Horse block planted in 1943.

It offers excellent weight and plush texture.Most Yummy with home made pizza one night and lambsie the other.

GRENACHE – PIRRAMIMMA STOCK’S HILL

$24.99 regularly $28.99

14.5% Alcohol

UPC: 09315785006101

Grenache mystery case

In between the wrong and the right

Posted on January 2, 2023 by Roger Harmston Posted in Music Leave a comment

Toto – Africa (Official HD Video)

The Pointer Sisters – Slow Hand

Dreams (2004 Remaster)

Supertramp – Take The Long Way Home (BEST QUALITY SOUND)

Brandy (You’re a Fine Girl)

One of These Nights (2018 Remaster)

Ponderous Thoughts

Posted on January 1, 2023 by Roger Harmston Posted in Humour Leave a comment

The secret to a successful marriage is to call your wife seven times a day, to help her find her phone.

I took the kids out for the day so my husband could relax and apparently my husband’s interpretation of relaxing is relaxing and not doing 16 loads of laundry.

“I’ll see you later today” I whisper, as I pack a sandwich in my kid’s lunchbox.

I can’t pick up my dogs prescription because I can’t remember her date of birth. They won’t tell me it because patient privacy. She’s a dog. She won’t tell me it either.

Understanding baby/toddler/children’s shoe sizing requires an advanced degree that I do not have.

My 10-year-old gets to bring 1 stuffed animal to school. So far she’s narrowed it down to 947 candidates.

He’s making a list… He’s checking it twice… He left it at home. He’s texting his wife.

Did I blame my husband for not being able to find the pyjamas I was already wearing? Yes. But did I then pretend I meant a different pair of pyjamas? Also yes.

5 said she doesn’t need to go to school anymore because she can already count up to 10 and that’s enough because she probably won’t ever eat more than 10 cupcakes.

I started cleaning the house and then remembered that I have kids, I’ll try again in 18 years.

I used the old “I gave birth to you” on my daughter, she said “That was one time”.

One of the most painful things to witness around the holidays is hearing your wife confirm “Yes, that was me” to the credit card people.

“Is chicken the animal spelled the same as chicken the food?” – my child, about to be shook.

My husband said he was out of clean shirts and, turns out, saying he has my permission to use the washer 24/7 wasn’t the support he was looking for.

My 4yo went through my phone and confronted me like I cheated on her, “you took a lot of pictures of this baby…”

It’s always exciting when my husband hangs the mistletoe then leads me to it so I can take a picture of him kissing the dog.

[After dropping a container of blueberries all over the floor] 8 y/o: See! This is exactly why I wanted chips!

Me: I’m struggling with some demons today Wife: I thought I told you to stop calling our kids that.

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