“Even if you are on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.” – Will Rogers

“Never miss a good chance to shut up.” – Will Rogers

“If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die, I want to go where they went.” – Will Rogers

“Too many people spend money they haven’t earned, to buy things they don’t want, to impress people that they don’t like.” – Will Rogers

“There are three kinds of men. The ones that learn by readin’. The few who learn by observation.
The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves.” – Will Rogers

“Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.” – Will Rogers

“There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither works.” – Will Rogers

“All I know is just what I read in the papers, and that’s an alibi for my ignorance.” – Will Rogers

“I never met a man that I didn’t like.” – Will Rogers

“Rumor travels faster, but it doesn’t stay put as long as truth.” – Will Rogers

“Common sense ain’t common.” – Will Rogers

“Don’t let yesterday take up too much of today” – Will Rogers

“The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.” – Will Rogers

“Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip.” – Will Rogers

“Everyone is ignorant, only on different subjects.” – Will Rogers

“Do the best you can, and don’t take life too serious.” – Will Rogers

“When you find yourself in a hole, quit digging.” – Will Rogers

“The minute you read something that you can’t understand, you can almost be sure that it was drawn up by a lawyer.” – Will Rogers

“We can’t all be heroes because somebody has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by.” – Will Rogers

“A man only learns in two ways, one by reading, and the other by association with smarter people.” – Will Rogers

“The short memories of the American voters is what keeps our politicians in office.” – Will Rogers

“If pro is the opposite of con, what is the opposite of Congress?” – Will Rogers

“If stupidity got us in this mess, how come it can’t get us out.” – Will Rogers

“A fool and his money are soon elected.” – Will Rogers

“I don’t make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.” – Will Rogers

“I’m not a real movie star. I’ve still got the same wife I started out with twenty-eight years ago.” – Will Rogers

“Always drink upstream from the herd.” – Will Rogers

“The trouble with practical jokes is that very often they get elected.” – Will Rogers

“If you want to be successful, it’s just this simple. Know what you are doing. Love what you are doing. And believe in what you are doing.” – Will Rogers

“Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.” – Will Rogers

“The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it in your back pocket.” – Will Rogers

“The more you observe politics, the more you’ve got to admit that each party is worse than the other.” – Will Rogers

“Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know “why” I look this way. I’ve traveled a long way and some of the roads weren’t paved.” – Will Rogers

“Ten men in our country could buy the whole world and ten million can’t buy enough to eat.” – Will Rogers

“It takes a lifetime to build a good reputation, but you can lose it in a minute.” – Will Rogers

“An onion can make people cry, but there has never been a vegetable invented to make them laugh.” – Will Rogers

“You know horses are smarter than people. You never heard of a horse going broke betting on people.” – Will Rogers

“Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.” – Will Rogers

“The difference between death and taxes is that death doesn’t get worse every time Congress meets.” – Will Rogers

“I am not a member of any organized political party — I am a Democrat.” – Will Rogers

“If you feel the urge, don’t be afraid to go on a wild goose chase. What do you think wild geese are for anyway?” – Will Rogers

“The problem ain’t what people know. It’s what people know that ain’t so that’s the problem.” – Will Rogers

“Be thankful we’re not getting all the government we’re actually paying for.” – Will Rogers

“Buy land. They ain’t making any more of the stuff.” – Will Rogers

“There are men running governments who shouldn’t be allowed to play with matches.” – Will Rogers

“What the country needs is dirtier fingernails and cleaner minds.” – Will Rogers

“There is no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.” – Will Rogers

“The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has.” – Will Rogers

“Lord, the money we do spend on Government and it’s not one bit better than the government we got for one-third the money twenty years ago.”- Will Rogers

“It is better for someone to think you’re a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.” – Will Rogers

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Tim and Carol do it with humour

Me: So you’re saying my Kindergartener is resourceful, thinks outside the box, & practices self-care?Teacher: No, I’m saying he put his classmates’ coats on the floor so he could take a nap.Me: I feel like we’re saying the same thing, no?

My cat was limping and I went through an entire cycle of grief, sobbing because I thought I would lose him, and turns out his paw was just wet.

Just heard my 4 year old say “it’s time to milk the farm dog” and my 2 yo squeal “YEAH” and I better go see what they’re doing.

Someone should invent an alarm clock where the alarm is the sound of a dog about to throw up. Because nothing wakes me up and gets me out of bed faster than that.

Me: We’re going to a surprise party today.6-year-old: For me?Me: No. It’s not your birthday.6: I know. I would be surprised.

Show me a parent who has given 2 choices for dinner & I’ll show you a kid who picks something that wasn’t even an option.

PTA: We heard you, and this year’s valentine’s exchange will be very simpleAlso PTA: Please pack vegan and allergy free treats, dress kids in fuchsia colors and make sure they get a tattoo of the PTA logo.

I love when kids rename things. For example, my kids call snacks “nackies” and granola bars “nolas” and homemade meals “do we have anything else to eat”.

“Mommy, come here, you’re not gonna like it!” is just one of the many fun ways my 4yo likes to start a conversation..

My 4yo has emerged from a different room to grab a full size broom on her own free will, and I have never had more dread as to what horrible mess awaits me in that room than now…

Sacrifice your personal goals and aspirations for the joys of parenthood so one day your 5 y/o can tell you she’s not talking to you until she gets a pet ocelot.

Before having kids I expected to be sleep deprived for the first year, maybe two years tops. I was wrong. So so wrong.