Me: So you’re saying my Kindergartener is resourceful, thinks outside the box, & practices self-care?Teacher: No, I’m saying he put his classmates’ coats on the floor so he could take a nap.Me: I feel like we’re saying the same thing, no?

My cat was limping and I went through an entire cycle of grief, sobbing because I thought I would lose him, and turns out his paw was just wet.

Just heard my 4 year old say “it’s time to milk the farm dog” and my 2 yo squeal “YEAH” and I better go see what they’re doing.

Someone should invent an alarm clock where the alarm is the sound of a dog about to throw up. Because nothing wakes me up and gets me out of bed faster than that.

Me: We’re going to a surprise party today.6-year-old: For me?Me: No. It’s not your birthday.6: I know. I would be surprised.

Show me a parent who has given 2 choices for dinner & I’ll show you a kid who picks something that wasn’t even an option.

PTA: We heard you, and this year’s valentine’s exchange will be very simpleAlso PTA: Please pack vegan and allergy free treats, dress kids in fuchsia colors and make sure they get a tattoo of the PTA logo.

I love when kids rename things. For example, my kids call snacks “nackies” and granola bars “nolas” and homemade meals “do we have anything else to eat”.

“Mommy, come here, you’re not gonna like it!” is just one of the many fun ways my 4yo likes to start a conversation..

My 4yo has emerged from a different room to grab a full size broom on her own free will, and I have never had more dread as to what horrible mess awaits me in that room than now…

Sacrifice your personal goals and aspirations for the joys of parenthood so one day your 5 y/o can tell you she’s not talking to you until she gets a pet ocelot.

Before having kids I expected to be sleep deprived for the first year, maybe two years tops. I was wrong. So so wrong.