I’m just a mom, standing in my kid’s room, asking why there are fruit snacks on the ceiling.

My husband is with me every step of the way, in life, in love, in faith, in front of the kitchen drawer I need to get to.

My 4yo is in complete shock after she found out her uncle is my brother.

Me [coming home]: HOWS MY BABY?!?! Him: I’m good Me: Him: you meant the dog didn’t you?

No one wants to take medicine more than the healthy sibling of a sick kid.

If my wife doesn’t like her haircut, does her hairdresser even know the emotional mess I’m left to clean up.

I asked my 6yo’s friend when his birthday is and he said, “the day I was born”.

If your husband has never known the joy of a clean house, fresh folded laundry and homeade bread, you should introduce him to my husband. They’d have a lot in common.

6yo, getting dressed for school: hold on I just need to do one thing me: ok 6yo: *crawls back into bed and pulls blanket over his head* me:

Watching a crime scene investigator search for trace evidence is impressive but have you ever seen a kid examine a piece of fruit for spots?

Me: [asks where something is] My wife: I saw it where we keep our keys. Me: Why do you torture me?

I accidentally spilled Coke on my husband’s shoes, so now I’m waiting to see which one of my kids acts like a jerk first so I know who to blame it on.

if you open a snack in the middle of the woods, does it make a sound every toddler on the planet can hear?

All I have to do is throw the word “Garage“ into any sentence and I instantly have my husband’s attention.

I asked 5 to share her grapes with her brother and she said no so I asked why not and she said “I don’t know I haven’t figured that out yet, I’ll let you know when I do” and carried on eating the grapes.

[At a restaurant] Me: I’m getting the chicken Caesar salad. Husband: I think I’ll get the wings. Me: Those don’t come with fries. Husband: I know. Me: Husband: Me: But…whose fries am I going to eat?!