Probably a good thing I’m going to therapy for my social anxiety if I want to cancel my first session due to social anxiety.

Please help my husband and I decide on dinner. We’ve narrowed it down to “It doesn’t matter” and “It’s your turn to choose”.

My 10-year-old gets to bring 1 stuffed animal to school. So far she’s narrowed it down to 947 candidates.

My husband and I now have an app that tells us if the garage door is open or closed and this effectively gets rid of 90% of conversation during car rides.

SOCIAL ANXIETY: omg are you ok ALCOHOL: you are great actually Two hours later… ALCOHOL: omg are you ok SOCIAL ANXIETY: you are home actually

Capturing my husband‘s attention is easy, I just refer to a screwdriver as a wrench.

Why are they called butterflies if they aren’t flies covered in butter? -My 6-year-old, starting off his summer vacation with the tough questions.

Husband: hey, what’s for dinner? Me: my signature dish Husband: so leftovers

Social anxiety = brain filibustering mouth’s turn to speak.

Dating: “Wanna share a strawberry smoothie?” Married: “Quit holding your coffee mug loudly!”

I hope everyone had a great weekend, except the random lady who assumed my 4yr old is my grandchild, I hope her weekend sucked.

New parents get to experience the utter joy a kid has going through a car wash for the first time. Experienced parents get the same but they also know to put the window lock on.

My 5yo is demanding I tell him where he lived when mommy and daddy were kids.