Category Archives: Humour

I would have given them 100%!  Each answer is absolutely grammatically correct, and funny too. The teacher had no sense of humour.

Q1. In which battle did Napoleon die?
* his last battle

Q2.. Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
* at the bottom of the page

Q3.. River Ravi flows in which state?
* liquid

Q4.. What is the main reason for divorce?
* marriage

Q5.. What is the main reason for failure?
* exams

Q6.. What can you never eat for breakfast?
* Lunch & dinner

Q7.. What looks like half an apple?
* The other half

Q8.. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?
* Wet

Q9.. How can a man go eight days without sleeping ?
* No problem, he sleeps at night.

Q10. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
*   You will never find an elephant that has one hand.

Q11. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples    and three oranges in other hand, what would you have?
* Very large hands

Q12. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?
*No time at all, the wall is already built.

Q13. How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?   
*Any way you want, concrete floors are very hard to crack.

Marriage isn’t between a man and a woman. It’s between a person who is certain they closed the garage door and a person who is certain they did not close the garage door.

My wife: Don’t kiss me, your stubble hurts my face. Also my wife: [has three facial exfoliants that contain sand, walnut shells and bamboo]

My husband just called to ask me what aisle something is in because he won’t ask for directions in a grocery store either.

Accidentally used the voice I save for my kids on my husband, so I’ll be hiding out in the garage for the rest of the week.

it’s so hard explaining to my cat every morning that i have to go away for 10 hours to support our lifestyle.

My dog came back from daycare with a cold and this is the strongest evidence yet that he is in fact a child.

In the middle of the millionth meltdown of the day, my 5yo said “I’m just so frustrating” (instead of “frustrated”) and I’ve never agreed with her more.

I wish I had the same confidence as my 5 year old foster child jumping on the trampoline who tells me to watch him in case he hits his head on an airplane.

If 2 asks for toast, he means peanut butter on bread. DO NOT, and I cannot stress this enough, TOAST THE BREAD.

I went from Mama to Mommy to Mom to Hey can I have $20.

My children won’t say a word all morning until it’s time to leave for school, then they host a talk show.

Watching football with your 11 y/o daughter is fun because when you get frustrated at your team, she asks calming questions like, “Daddy, do you really think you can do better than the players?”

If you buy a box of donuts for your kids and then eat the box of donuts before your kids see it, it’s as if the box of donuts never existed, I hope

For the first time ever my 4 year old let ME choose his bedtime story and after 72 tries I finally picked the right one.

“He’s upset because a girl in his class is telling people they are friends when they’re not.”, me explaining Billie Jean to my daughter.

Y’all make fun of dads for keeping instruction booklets but guess who is about to flawlessly set the clock back one hour on an 18 year old microwave?.

Thinking about the time my kid woke me up at 4 a.m. by jumping on the bed in a cape and yelling, “Come on Mom, let’s go save daylight!”

“I’m doing it anyway” ⁃ A toddler’s memoir

Me: Just because you don’t have school doesn’t mean you can go without pants. 5yo: I’m just gonna wear these invisible pants.

My 5yo might be watching too many dinosaur shows…He keeps calling my vegetarian in-laws herbivores.

*8YO arguing* Me: I‘ll call Santa, right now and tell him… 8YO: Well I’ll call the PTA to volunteer you … Me: You win.

My teen isn’t feeling well and WebMD says imminent death but Google classroom says imminent math test.

My 5 y/o was working on a science question that asked if animals are like plants & make their own food. He said yes, which was wrong, but his explanation was humans are animals & we make cake. Your move, science.

Parenting books should be legally required to display the number of children the author has.

Almost time to put up the Christmas lights or, as my kids call it, “Swear Day.”

People who don’t blur their backgrounds on video calls are just bragging that they don’t have kids.

4: Let’s hunt turkeys, Daddy. Me: How do we do that? 4: Put up a big sign that says, “Come here, Turkeys!” I might be raising Elmer Fudd.

3.5 *Two hours after bedtime: MOOOMMMYYY Me: what’s wrong!!!?!? 3.5: what animals don’t have teeth?

Tell your teenager to clean them out of their room now so you will have enough cups and dishes for Thanksgiving.

My favourite part of parenting right now is that my 4 year old keep making plans to go to his friend’s house after school but doesn’t tell us, his parents, or even his friend, and then loses his mind when it doesn’t actually happen, what’s yours?

When my son was born, I knew that I would love him forever, with a slight break between 12 and 21.