I took my hair out of the messy bun and made it a less messy bun and my husband asked if I was going somewhere.

My husband’s favorite time to ask me a question is when I’m upstairs and can’t hear a word he’s saying.

That the days are long but the years are short so appreciate the time you have with them. The years are short because I have blocked them from my memory in order to stay sane.

My husband is confused why i snapped at him, as if he wasn’t part of the argument i just had with him in my head for the last ten minutes.

I can be in the living room and I’ll still be in my wife’s way in the kitchen.

Marriage is like, “I can’t believe you would do this” and “this” is just folding a towel in half instead of thirds.

My 5 yr old called a QR code a scan square and now I’m asking myself – “why do they even call them QR codes”

“He’ll get tired and fall asleep in his crib eventually.” No. No he didn’t.

Before I got married, I never knew there was right and wrong way to take the trash out.

My 12-year-old called her ankles “foot wrists” and now I’m concerned about her future plans to be a doctor.

I just heard a four year old call Ferraro Rocher’s “chocolate meatballs” and I can never go back.

My husband spent an hour at Home Depot yesterday and I spent an hour trying to find my husband in Home Depot yesterday.

My son referred to a little boy today as ‘a double kid’ – any idea what he meant? A twin. The boy had a twin brother.

“If you think X is hard (fill in whatever you are struggling with, breastfeeding, sleeping, toilet training), Y (school, adolescence, college applications, whatever) is so much harder you will wish for X.” Most unhelpful comment ever.

Today my 7 year old grandson called our bathroom scales a “weight thermometer ” This is why we should have kids name everything…..

I’m in that magical stage of parenting where I don’t need to change diapers or carry baby gear but I also don’t have to deal with teenage problems yet and my kids still think I’m smart and funny…how do I stay here???

Instead of “emotional” support, my son said “mimosa-tional” support and I want that a lot more.